Search is Over
by Witchytara25
Summary: Is this just a dream you can never wake up from?


A/N: Alright, I normally do not venture outside the Criminal Minds world. However, before my falling in love with Criminal Minds, there was Law and Order: SVU. Before Emily/JJ, there was Alex/Olivia. Before Paget Brewster, there was Mariska Hargitay. Still love Mariska. I still love this pairing; I still love SVU. I just don't watch it because of the fact it's on against Criminal Minds. However, my Muses demand that I write this and threatened me with no more JJ/Emily ever if I didn't write this, so here it is. I'm not quite sure I got Olivia right, but nonetheless, here is the story that my muses demanded I write.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. The characters belong t o Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just a broke fanfiction writer who had to go back and visit the past on the first ever femslash she ever came across.

Four years have passed since that night on the sidewalk, when you felt her life ebb out between your hands. You did everything you knew how. Pleading with her to stay with you. She looked up at you and you had to fight back the tears as she looked up at you with the blue eyes you fell in love with the moment she walked into the 1-6.

You sigh and roll over on your side, memories assaulting you from all sides. Some nights are easier than others. Some nights, you can sleep, her face not haunting your dreams. Those are the nights you wake up and feel disloyal, feeling like you've forgotten about her. However, you know that you will never forget her, not even if you live to be a hundred years old.

You wonder, though, why you have to be here without her. Why the fates won't allow you to have one relationship that will last. Why the "Ice Queen," as she was nicknamed, had to be the one who took your heart and never gave it back. You know what pain is; you lived with the knowledge that you were the product of rape your whole life. You lived with the knowledge that your mother drank because she couldn't handle looking at you and seeing what happened that night so many years ago. You loved your mother, but you couldn't shed a tear when she died. You grieved, but you grieved for more the life that could have been than the life that was.

That's why you took to your job with such a single mindness on some aspects; you were going to rid the world of people like your 'father' (and you were loathing using that term when it came to him). You graduated and the only thing you ever wanted to be was a police officer. You clawed your way to the SVU division and made Detective, despite the number of papers from IAB in your pocket. You were content with your job, the occasional dates out and the occasional days at Elliot's, where you could pretend for a little while that you were part of a family.

Then along came her.

The ADA whose suits cost more than your entire month's paycheck. The ADA who seemed like she was on the political fast track for something greater than just working for the people her whole life. You knew she had money; but mostly, you knew that she was just as dedicated and stubborn as you were. Your fights were legendary over warrants. Hell, your fights were legendary period, because you both were stubborn, bullheaded, and refused to give an inch to each other.

Out of the fights came a friendship and before you knew it, you were spending all your free time with her. Drinks one night; dinner the next. You both fell into an easy pattern. Sure, you heard the nicknames she had. "Ice Queen" was the more popular one, as was "Princess" and "Silver Spoon Cabot." However, you looked past that and saw the person inside. The person who burned for justice just as much as you did.

Sighing, you pull the blanket tighter around you and blink back the tears that you refuse to let fall. You remember the first night you two kissed and you smile at the memory.

_"Liv….I can't give you a warrant. There's not enough evidence."  
"Alex…What more do you need? Evidence on goddamn silver platter? Or are you going to let this one walk?"_

Her blue eyes blazed behind her glasses and she turned to look at you. In that moment, you had to fight back a smile as she pinned you with the legendary Cabot stare. "I can't just get warrants from Pervosky on a gut feeling."

"So we let him continue to walk and he can go rape and torture another person? Are you really that heartless?"

The flicker of hurt that crossed her face in that moment and she stepped closer to you. "Contrary to popular belief, I am not heartless."

"Could've fooled me." She took a step closer and backed you against the desk. "Why do we always fight?"

_The change in subject threw you for a moment and you looked at her, for once, speechless. She looked at you and your lips were mere inches apart. "Why do we fight, Detective Benson?"_

You shook your head and in that moment, you knew that you were in love. It's strange how an ephaniny can come. She leaned up and brushed her lips across yours and you groaned softly, the mere whisper of the kiss burning across your lips. 

_In that moment, you knew that you wanted Alex Cabot more than you ever wanted anyone else._

You smile at the memory and wipe the lone tear that fell down your face. That night was the start of stolen moments, as both your jobs didn't allow for the luxury of dating like normal people. Chinese dinner in her office; a cup of coffee at your desk.

Then came the Valdez case and all hell broke loose. You begged her not to go after him. She wouldn't listen. Then came the night she was lying on the ground, blood pouring out of her. You begged her to stay with you; you conveyed with your eyes more than you could ever say with words. She looked at you and when her eyes closed that final time, you felt your world pull out from underneath you.

Then came the day you and Elliot were ushered to a secret location. Confused, you both wondered what you were doing there. Out of a black car stepped an alive Alex Cabot. You looked like you both had seen a ghost. She explained that to the rest of the world she was dead, but she insisted on saying goodbye to the two of you; you two deserved to know the truth. You two locked eyes with each other and the rest of the world faded away. You wanted to so badly go up and take her into your arms and never let go. Instead, in that mere moment time, the conversation you two held with your eyes said more than words could ever say.

Now, four years later, you hope she's happy wherever she's at. You know that Valdez is dead, but you also don't know if it's safe for her to come home. _Home. _You wish she was home with you. In your bed, that has seemed so empty in the last four years. You have tried to move on with your life; no one else has ever compared. There were the one night stands; there was the failed attempt at relationships with men. You knew in your heart you would never love anyone else the way you loved her; no one else could ever compare.

Sighing, you get up and throw on some jeans and a t-shirt of hers that you could never quite let go. You grab your gun and badge and head towards your bench. You know instinctively that 4am in the park is not a wise idea, but no one has ever bothered you before. Besides, since she's been gone, you've come to your bench more and more to try and clear your head.

You get to your bench and stare into the darkness. You close your eyes, sighing. You wish you could hear her voice in your ear, telling you that she loved you. You wish you could hold her again, watching her break apart in your arms as your name fell from her lips in a chant. You thought that you two had forever; forever was ripped away when the bullet tore through her skin and the image of her bleeding will haunt you forever.

Taking a deep breath, you swear you can smell her, like she's right behind you. The scent that was uniquely hers and hers alone. You want one more time for her to whisper in your ear how much she loves you; you want one more night where she's yours and yours alone. You want one more fight over a warrant; you want that smile that lights up your world and terrifies you at the same time.

Suddenly, you feel a hand on your shoulder and before you can think, you have your gun drawn and you spin around and see what you think is a ghost. You stare in shock, wondering if the sleepless nights have finally caught up with you and your hallucinating. Trembling, you put your gun in your side arm and the ghost steps closer.

"Lex?" you say, her name falling from your lips like a prayer.

The blue eyes that have haunted your dreams for months, the face that haunted your dreams, smiles softly at you. She takes a step closer, and while the face has lines that weren't there before, is the most beautiful sight you have seen in a long time. Her trembling hand reaches out and cups the side of your face. You close your eyes and whimper softly. "Lex?" you say again, praying that this isn't a dream and that you're not going to wake up alone again.

"Open your eyes, Liv." Say the mezzo voice that you fell in love with all those years ago. You shake your head and feel the trembling fingers against your jaw line. "Liv…please."

You open your eyes and before you can react, you break down and cry. For the first time in four years, you let go of the feelings that have been locked away in your heart. Suddenly, you feel the arms around you you've been dreaming about for months and the whispered reassurances that this is real.

"Liv…" she breathes as you calm down and looks at her. Before she can speak another word, you crush your lips against hers in a bone shattering, desperate kiss, convincing yourself that this dream. She whimpers against your mouth and you feel her hands on your hips, pulling you closer. Suddenly, you pull back and look at her. "Tell me this isn't a dream."

"No, baby. It's not a dream. It's real."

"It's over? You can come home?"

"Home…." she says with such longing in her voice that you hold her a little bit tighter.

"Come home with me," you say softly, brushing the blonde hair out of her face and kissing her forehead. She steps out of your embrace and says softly, "I've dreamed of this for four years. Coming home to you. Now that it's here, I don't know what to do."

You place your hand on her arm and say quietly, "Come home with me Alex. Please."

She looks at you and says quietly, "you still want me? After four years away? You still love me?"

"I never stopped."

With those words, she breaks down and you gather her in your arms, holding her and you know in that instant, you will never love anyone the way you love her. The pain, the heartbreak, was worth it. The tears that are streaming down her face have never made this moment seem so real. You lean down and brush your lips across hers and she tightens her hold on you. "I never stopped, either. You were the reason I fought so hard to get back."

She says softly, on a breath of a whisper, "Let's go home."

You know tomorrow that you will have to face reality. But for tonight, she is yours and yours alone. The pain, the loneliness of the last four years, while not forgotten or faded, slowly recede into the back of your mind as you realize what you have been searching for has finally found its way home.


End file.
